Maturity and Type

Each of the Enneagram types are neutral - no type is better or worse than another. Levels of maturity, or lack thereof, show up within the type and can make a big difference. A person, depending on stress and life circumstances can go from one range to another - from immature to middle range to mature and vice versa.

Life can be demanding and it's easy to get depressed or reactive at times, and it's a challenge to learn life's lessons and keep going up the ladder of maturity. Having a spiritual focus or foundation can help immensely.

A mature person within a type shows the best traits of their own type and have more positive traits of other types also. They expand who they are. They have developed less reaction in their type - for instance, less passivity of the 9, less control and demand of an 8, less hyper vigilance and automatic fear of a 6, etc. Mature range people generally show more tolerance, patience, compassion, and understanding.They generally have good relationships with most people and accept people as they are. There is a consistent psychological and spiritual health.

Most people are a bit "neurotic" and relate to others ok but are more reactive than the mature range in a type. Each Enneagram type can use their type defenses to protect themselves too much and want others to tolerate their type characteristics. Many people tend to make some changes in their personality to grow but "hide out" a bit too much in their type and stretch to meet other types but in a limited way.

If there is a lot of stress and it's been hard to cope, people of each type tend to really hide in their type, avoid life or attack the people or situations that cause change or distress. There is a tendency not to grow, to stay static or react. "Accept me the way I am or I'll reject you, blame you or severely withdraw." They don't want to feel their vulnerability or limitations exposed at all and have a fragile ego and image. We all can get into this level at times. It's important to acknowledge the truth, get support, accept your humanness and open to your spiritual self that is less attached to outcome.

A 1 for instance can be immature and criticize everyone and as time goes on, keep learning that it's ok to make mistakes, that others are human, including themselves, and learn gradually to have a higher and higher tolerance and acceptance of what "is" instead of what "should" be. It's possible to go from immature to average or even to maturity and sometimes even in the same day in regard to mood shifts, though real maturity is more stable. The more mature a person, the more they grow beyond type, though can still have clear type characteristics of their type.

Herb Pearce

How to Relate Well to Each Type

The ticket to relate well to each type is to relate and communicate in ways that are familiar to the type. Doing that helps you develop those qualities in yourself, so everyone wins!

With 1s, be honest, live your values, work hard to be a model yourself for what you believe in. Notice your own selfish traits and attempt to go beyond them. Don't be critical of a 1, as they are so critical of themselves. Instead give permission to a 1 to be more self oriented and that mistakes are a normal way of learning.

With 2s, give to them without asking, be positive, be personal, be appreciative. Encourage them to share their needs more directly and encourage them to be more self loving and not overly giving to those who don't respond to their giving.

With 3s, support their goals. Set goals for yourself, have a to-do list and start acting. Be positive, can-do and go into action. Have a vision of where you are heading. You can do anything if you set your mind and body to it!

With 4s, listen to them without offering advice, unless asked. Realize they are passionate and personal so be passionate and personal. Go for depth, intensity, beauty and don't hold back your feelings. Stay engaged, don't withdraw. Set limits and be loving if needed.

With 5s, don't overwhelm them with trivial information. Be objective, think before you talk and don't interrupt their process without asking permission. Summarize without being redundant. Talk about subjects they are interested in.

With 6s, be honest. Give them as much information as possible about things that concern them. Plan in advance to solve potential problems. Be prepared. Ask them what they need to be secure. Work as a team.

With 7s, be fun and positive. Don't overly complain or focus on worse case scenarios. Realize 7s can go from 1 thing to another so help them stay on target. Focus on the lighter side of life and think of options. Anything can be solved.

With 8s, be direct and bold. Speak up. Say what you think. Indirectness is awful for an 8. Trust that some differences and conflict sometimes can be a plus rather than a minus. Be passionate. Go for what you want and support them to make things happen.

With 9s, communicate in a peaceful tone. Don't take advantage of their easygoing nature. Support them to be direct, action oriented. Help them clarify what they want.

The Sacred

The Sacred

Life is sacred. December is an especially sacred time. Sacred reflects specialness, that which is deeper than is obvious, the spiritual dimension of the physical, that which you value deeply.

This is a time of transition of seasons celebrated throughout history, a time to go within but also often a social time to gather with people and appreciate community, commonality, individuality, the birth of something new, letting go of the past.

What is sacred to you? Can you feel the life that is behind all reality, all objects and beings, the deeper level that animates everything?

Make a list of what is sacred to you. Get quiet enough to feel the sacred energy that is everywhere and see the beauty in each experience.
Stand in front of objects, nature, people and experience the love that is there.

Have a season of worship, appreciation, beauty, depth, presence, silence and spacious awareness of what is.