Gratitude plus quotes from clients

GRATITUDE Focus on what is good or what you are grateful for at least, if not more than, what you complain about, worry about and are sad about. It's ok to be with those experiences too, but gratitude lifts you up and helps you see what is good and tends to attract more of that. Make a list of what you are grateful for on a daily level, even hourly! and train your mind in that direction. Better yet, just approach everything from love and gratitude and life, people and experience will be drawn to your energy and essence. You might have to set limits though because people will be drawn to you! You can say gratitude in your head or heart, speak it out loud to yourself or with friends, write it, tape it, draw it, whatever suits your fancy. It can be simple things. Here's my sample: 1) I'm grateful for contact lens 2) the great plant walks provided by Friends of Fresh Pond Reservation 3) parties my friends invite me too 4) all the people who attend my workshops 5) the fact that I can do yoga on an exercise tv show 6) that I attend great spiritual satsangs 7) that it's above freezing right now 8) that I'm vegetarian and that I go to great potlucks and raw food fests 9) that I'm relatively healthy 10) that I get to sing in the wonderful Family Folk Chorale Make your list! If you need suggestions to continue, email or call me. Quotes from clients.... "Herb has an amazing ability to clarify what the differences are and talk about them in an easy to understand way with compassion and acceptance." "The Enneagram has given me such great insight into people and what they think about and how to relate to them in the world they live in." "A Couples Session with Herb is worth months of counseling with the couples therapist we were using. Herb gets right to the point, understands us and points out practical ways to bridge the differences." "Going to Herb's workshops has given me lots of tools to deal with differences and well as understand myself." "Herb has a great sense of humor and tries to lighten up the seriousness that can happen in relationships. He is a great coach for me on how to relate to my child and my spouse." "I get to have more understanding on how I tick. I'm more accepting of the way I am." "Herb knows what he's talking about. He's had years of experience working with personality dynamics, inner struggles and how to maintain self-esteem." "I like the fact that you have a focus on spiritual development and letting go of ego." "You are very intuitive, sensitive to me and really are relating to the world I live in. You really get how I think and how to manage my thoughts and feelings."

Let Go of Ego

Much of our suffering is due to our ideas around getting what we want or not. You may get something you want - money, relationship, a trip, a client, a smile from someone - and equally you may not get what you want long term or in the moment. Even if you get what you want, you may lose it or fear losing it or certainly it changes a lot. Can you live more in a place that's it's ok either way? to have what you want or to not have what you want - so there is less suffering caused with less attachment to an outcome. There's nothing wrong with setting goals and winning but if your sense of self and esteem is banked on the outcome, you will go up and down like a yo-yo. Maybe we are all more than an individual self - more connected to everything around us and can relish in the experience of life itself - enjoying ours and others' triumphs and sharing in the downs of life too - something beautiful just in the process of living - so much we have in common with less need for isolation. Maybe we live so much in a culture of individuality that lends itself to competition, fear of loss or even greed, that it's hard to see what we have in common, what we can share and gain from each other. The fact that we have a body and mind that change all the time and that our individuality in the form of a body changes permanently at some point, can remind us that we have so more common than apart. Striving for an image or goals is fine but stressful if we live in the future, hoping to be "something" to identify with to be ok. Maybe okness exists now and there is nothing to "strive" more, or at least anxiously strive for. Effort is fine and wonderful and it's great to accomplish things but is the enjoyment in the process itself or in living for an okness in the future? Who are you? An individual or the spacious awareness and love that that individuality resides in? Are you in charge of your individuality? Who is living you? Is there really an individual or a miraculous beingness and love that is animating your body to breathe itself, pumps its heart and provide it creativity to enjoy life. Are you the energy behind your uniqueness? Maybe you are the miracle energy and your individuality is just a beautiful by-product.

Let Go of Type Prejudice

We've all had bad experience with some of the types. We've either been in unhappy personal or work relationships or certain types are a challenge because they are so opposite of our own type. For instance a 9 peacemaker might be threatened by a 8 who is direct. Then again, 9s can like things direct if the approach is somewhat peaceful, open or connecting. All types are equally deficient and wonderful. The ego is demanding and limiting and anyone stuck in ego can be a challenge. Life certainly can challenge us at times. Limit your contact with someone's "type" if it's too much but don't assume it's the type only. It's more about maturity and experience than type that's likely upsetting you. Appreciate what each type offers even if some parts are difficult. Don't take for granted what each type offers that supports you. Attempt to develop each of the 9 types in yourself and the "difficulty" of each type will be easier. Compassion always helps a lot and much compassion is needed as each type struggles trying to make life fit its type. The best solution is letting go more and more of your ego and type and be more typeless and spiritually oriented. Practice each day to let go of the demand that you have to have all your type needs met. Incorporate each of the 9 parts of you and find ways to relate well to each type.

Understanding the Enneagram

The Enneagram is a description of 9 unique ways of seeing and experiencing life. Your "type" is the main filter through which you perceive inner and outer reality. The Enneagram helps you to understand personality differences - your and others, how to develop the best traits of each type in yourself, and how to relate well to each type (knowing their strengths and weaknesses). Each type is relatively predictable in their concerns, communication styles and behavior. People make sense when you know this information. We are all nine types are various times but one is the core driver and causes both a distortion of reality (missing the 360 degree view) as well as an amazing strength to focus strongly on one area of life.

Here's a brief summary of the types, parts of which each of us have. One type, called the core type, is more automatic to the way you are and have been throughout your life (requires no effort to be that) and dominant in one's basic motivation, thinking process, perspective, and filtering system. There are typical behaviors in each type but behavior is less representative of type than the reasons why someone is does what they do. The Types and their major avoidances and focus include:

Type 1 - The Perfectionist/Reformer - avoids mistakes, imperfection - "there's a right way"
Type 2 - The Overhelper/Cheerleader - avoids their own needs - "love me for my giving"
Type 3 - The Overachiever/Winner - avoids failure - "strives for success"
Type 4 - The Depth Seeker/Romantic - avoids everyday, humdrum life - "let's go deep"
Type 5 - The Knowledge Seeker/Observer - avoids expression of personal feelings - "be objective"
Type 6 - The Security Seeker/Detective - avoids the unknown - "let's question everything"
Type 7 - The Optimist/Fun Lover - avoids pain - "let's have a good time"
Type 8 - The Director/Powerhouse - avoids vulnerability - "I want to be in charge"
Type 9 - Peacemaker/Accommodator - avoids conflict - "peace at all costs"

There are many subtypes in the Enneagram. Each core type has a wing type, a mix of an adjacent number. A 9 with a dominant wingtype of 8 has a bit of assertion and self drive like an 8, therefore a 9/8 and a 9 with a dominant wingtype of 1 has a mix of perfectionism and inner values focus. Each type tends to move to take on the worse traits of another type, 9 goes to 6 when under strong stress and the best traits of another number (9 goes to 3) to balance and integrate themselves.

Each type also has a sequence of instinct traits - relationship subtype (focused more on intimacy, intensity, bonding, the mating instinct, sexuality), the social instinct (social image, position in a group, inclusion or exclusion, the herd instinct) and self preservation instinct (the core personal survival instinct, home, comfort, money, security, stability, normalcy).

The dominant subtype is the one that one's ego and thinking process is most focused on and obsessed with, the middle one is the one instinct area that is easiest and the last one is the instinct that tends to be neglected. There are 6 subtype order possibilities and a unique description of that order within each type. As you can see, the subcategories are endless, which mirrors the uniqueness of each personality!

Herb Pearce has been teaching the Enneagram (and Myers-Briggs) in public workshops and for organizations and companies for 18 years, having taught close to 2000 workshops and trainings. He is a psychotherapist and personal coach who uses the Enneagram with individuals, couples and families. Herb is the author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Power of the Enneagram. For more information, sign up for his newsletter at his website at www.herbpearce.com, herb@herbpearce.com, 781 648 3737.

Enneagram Subtype Quiz

ENNEAGRAM SUBTYPE QUIZ PART I. We all have the following three basic Survival Instinct Areas: Self-preservation Subtype Relates to your relationship to your basic survival instinct - food/shelter/clothing, security, money, safety, health, planning for the future, the home, comfort, room temperature, etc. It can include concern in these areas for people close to you. Social Subtype Relates to the herd instinct - how you fit into the group, whether you feel included or excluded, your social ranking, your social image, seeing yourself as related to others, family, groups, organizations, the world, identifying through a group, how you are in meeting others and your comfort level with groups Relationship (or 1 to 1 or Sexual) Subtype Relates to your mating instinct - your desire for bonding, intimacy with a close other, sexuality, a tendency toward intensity, strong energy, merging, depth, seeking self through another, wanting special experiences or mystical spiritual experiences, etc. Answer the questions below to reveal how each of the instinct (or subtype) categories shows up in your life. The more "yes" answers, the more the subtype tends to be your dominant subtype. Self -preservation (Need to protect and preserve) 1. Do you tend to save money and are cautious about spending it? 2. Are you security oriented? Ready to protect yourself, those close to you and your resources? 3. Are you fairly consistent? Like things known and regular? No big changes? 4. Do you dislike taking big risks unless it's a "sure" thing? 5. Are you fairly private? Not revealing too much to strangers? 6. Do you tend to be introverted? 7. Do you understand money? Securities? Investments? 8. Do you tend to plan for the future? Ready for emergencies? 9. Are you concerned about health? Safety? Comfort? Home? Hearth? 10. Are you worried about what may go wrong? Tend to imagine worse case scenarios? 11. Do you like things spelled out? Details? Exact information? Guarantees? 12. In relationships do you take care of others financially? Social (Need for Social Validation) - Can show up with strong focus on groups, organizations, family, world, friends, your surroundings, your social image 1. Do you need or really like social validation? 2. Is social image important to you? 3. Do you have desires/fantasies of being rewarded in a social or public arena? 4. Do you think about your affect on others, groups, organizations, and the world? 5. Is it very important to you to look good in public, groups, work, and the world? Is name recognition important, either yours or others? 6. Are you upset if you don't get enough validation, reward for the hard and creative work you do in a social context or for a social cause? 7. Are you involved in groups, organizations and team oriented activities? 8. Is belonging to special groups or being a leader of a group important to you? 9. Are you strongly upset if you feel not included or rejected by a group or family or not invited to a social event? 10. Do you make your money through your association with groups affecting a large number of people? 11. Do you get really upset if you make a social faux pas? Do you think about and plan out how you will be or present yourself in public? 12. Are you the social instigator and connector in your family? Relationship (Need for 1 to 1 or Relationship Closeness) 1. Do you define yourself through a romantic or close partnership? Is closeness with another person of paramount importance? 2. Do you like intense energy, particularly in relating to people? Are you energized when you have a revealing conversation or engagement with another, particularly a special other? 3. Do you tend to focus more attention on close relationships than money? 4. Does money relate to how a partner will see you more than security for yourself? 5. Are money and resources less for self and more to please an intimate other? 6. Does your attention go more to how well you relate to a partner or potential partner than to other concerns? 7. Would others describe you as dramatic? Do you like to go deep with things? 8. Do you tend to be in the moment and not think as much about the future or your future security? 9. Do you have an urge to merge? Do you "lose yourself" with an important other at times? 10. Do you like risk taking? New experiences? Tend to get bored without enough stimulation particularly in the area of relationships? 11. Are you focused more on connection with another and forget your own priorities? 12. Do you focus a lot on sexuality, romantic fantasies or mystical spiritual experiences? PART II. These areas will fall into a certain order for you, depending on how eachplays out in your life. Dominant Subtype - This is the instinct that concerns you the most. This is the one that you put the most effort into, that you struggle with and think about the most, that you try to be good at. It's the one that absorbs your mind the most and tends to throw you off center. On one hand you are good at it, on the other you often worry about it. Middle Subtype - This instinct is more natural and the easiest of the three subtype areas for you. It requires the least energy. You generally have fewer problems in this area of your life. Last Subtype - This is the instinct that you pay the least attention or even neglect. It's the one you try not to think about, that causes stress precisely because of your avoidance of it in your life. There are six possible orders in which your subtypes may fall, but only one order that describes you most accurately throughout your life (not just as you are today). Which order feels right for you? Self-preservation Social Relationship Self-preservation Relationship Social Social Self-preservation Relationship Social Relationship Self-preservation Relationship Social Self-preservation Relationship Self-preservation Social Please email your results - type and subtype order. You will be helping others in this research. Herb Pearce, copyright 2009 781 648 3737, herb@herbpearce.com www.herbpearce.com

Enneagram Subtypes

Enneagram Subtypes The basic 9 types are only the first step to understanding personality differences. Each of us have 3 basic instincts - the instinct to be close to another, bond - the mating or sexual or relationship instinct. The second instinct is to be part of a social group - the herd instinct and the last one is the desire to feel secure and safe - the basic survival instinct. The mating or relationship instinct is the desire to be close to another - the desire for 1 to 1 intimacy, the desire for intense energy, the desire to have a deep, personal connection with another person. Sometimes this is displayed in one's sexuality or desire for spiritual connection. The social instinct is the desire to be part of a group, to be included and valued in a group - be it a group of friends, family, organization, culture, work setting, or the world. The social instinct is the knowing that one's personal survival relates to their role in the group. The self preservation instinct is the desire to create security for one's future, to create comfort, to protect one's self and those close to them around health, financial security, home and basic issues of food, shelter and clothing. Generally one of these instinctual drives are dominant in a person's personality. The dominant drive is the one that you think and obsess about the most, the one that drives you the most and causes you the most pain when that instinctual drive and need is not met. On one hand you are good are meeting the needs of that drive possibly but it is often out of balance, since you believe you have to have those needs first met in order to survive. Self preservation dominant subtypes often have money in the bank and fear losing it, the social subtypes are obsessed with getting social approval and relationship subtypes are anxious about pursuing or losing a mate or boyfriend or girlfriend. We have all 3 drives of the subtypes. Beyond your dominant drive, your second drive or middle drive is the one that is easier for you than the other two and therefore generally more in balance. The last or third one is the one you neglect the most and therefore causes you trouble also. Self preservation last subtype often lives on the edge financially and don't have savings, Social last often neglects their social connections which can help with the other two needs, and Relationship subtype last often don't put the time and energy into important close relationships. Which are your subtype stacking - first, second, third? How can you balance all three so that all three are important? Do you notice others' subtype stacking? There are 6 different subtype stacking possibilities. How can you relate to others who have a different subtype order?

Maturity and Type

Each of the Enneagram types are neutral - no type is better or worse than another. Levels of maturity, or lack thereof, show up within the type and can make a big difference. A person, depending on stress and life circumstances can go from one range to another - from immature to middle range to mature and vice versa.

Life can be demanding and it's easy to get depressed or reactive at times, and it's a challenge to learn life's lessons and keep going up the ladder of maturity. Having a spiritual focus or foundation can help immensely.

A mature person within a type shows the best traits of their own type and have more positive traits of other types also. They expand who they are. They have developed less reaction in their type - for instance, less passivity of the 9, less control and demand of an 8, less hyper vigilance and automatic fear of a 6, etc. Mature range people generally show more tolerance, patience, compassion, and understanding.They generally have good relationships with most people and accept people as they are. There is a consistent psychological and spiritual health.

Most people are a bit "neurotic" and relate to others ok but are more reactive than the mature range in a type. Each Enneagram type can use their type defenses to protect themselves too much and want others to tolerate their type characteristics. Many people tend to make some changes in their personality to grow but "hide out" a bit too much in their type and stretch to meet other types but in a limited way.

If there is a lot of stress and it's been hard to cope, people of each type tend to really hide in their type, avoid life or attack the people or situations that cause change or distress. There is a tendency not to grow, to stay static or react. "Accept me the way I am or I'll reject you, blame you or severely withdraw." They don't want to feel their vulnerability or limitations exposed at all and have a fragile ego and image. We all can get into this level at times. It's important to acknowledge the truth, get support, accept your humanness and open to your spiritual self that is less attached to outcome.

A 1 for instance can be immature and criticize everyone and as time goes on, keep learning that it's ok to make mistakes, that others are human, including themselves, and learn gradually to have a higher and higher tolerance and acceptance of what "is" instead of what "should" be. It's possible to go from immature to average or even to maturity and sometimes even in the same day in regard to mood shifts, though real maturity is more stable. The more mature a person, the more they grow beyond type, though can still have clear type characteristics of their type.

Herb Pearce